{"id":38838,"date":"2023-09-20T11:29:08","date_gmt":"2023-09-20T11:29:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/miamiheatnation.com\/?p=38838"},"modified":"2023-09-20T11:29:08","modified_gmt":"2023-09-20T11:29:08","slug":"ask-amy-two-besties-experience-friendship-interruptus","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/miamiheatnation.com\/world-news\/ask-amy-two-besties-experience-friendship-interruptus\/","title":{"rendered":"Ask Amy: Two besties experience “friendship interruptus”"},"content":{"rendered":"
Dear Amy:<\/strong> My childhood friend of 15 years and I lived together for three years as roommates.<\/p>\n We were amazing friends and great roommates to each other.<\/p>\n Two of the three years we cohabited were during the darkest days of the pandemic, so we spent a ton of time together. It was so fun.<\/p>\n When I met my boyfriend during the second year of living together, Childhood Friend and I saw each other less often because I was getting to know him, but she and I still saw each other and texted frequently.<\/p>\n About a year later, she met her boyfriend and communication became much less frequent, to the point where she often forgot that I had texted her. She used the excuse of, “I’m bad at responding, you know that” or, “I’m super busy — sorry for responding late.\u201d<\/p>\n I live with my boyfriend now and she is living alone for a few months, until she and her boyfriend move in together.<\/p>\n I miss her a lot but don’t know what to do or say because I don’t want her to think I’m angry. I only want her to be happy, even if that means we aren’t good friends anymore.<\/p>\n I don’t think she’ll change her texting habits for me, and she’s always wanted a fun and amazing boyfriend, which she now has. I just miss her as a friend.<\/p>\n Any ideas?<\/p>\n — Losing Friendship<\/em><\/p>\n Dear Losing Friendship:<\/strong> It occurs to me that if \u201cChildhood Friend\u201d wrote this question, she might reflect on her own disappointment that — because of your connection with a new boyfriend, you essentially moved away from this extremely close friendship \u2026 and during the darkest days of the pandemic, no less!<\/p>\n My point is that for both of you, your emotional attention has shifted, even if your friendship-needs have not.<\/p>\n But transferring life partners (trading the bulk of your primary attention away from your cohabiting bestie to the men in your lives) does not mean that you are headed to a bestie-divorce.<\/p>\n You two have been friends through very different phases in your lives (from childhood to roommates to adulthood). This is a transition to another phase of friendship, and it will take some time to adjust.<\/p>\n I hope you will be patient with her. Call or see her in person (verses texting). Express a version of: \u201cFor me, our close friendship was the silver lining of the pandemic. I hope we can find ways to keep it going, even though I know we\u2019re both distracted by these men in our lives.\u201d<\/p>\n It can feel good to state a simple truth: \u201cI miss you! I\u2019d like to be closer.\u201d If you do, your friend will probably express a version of the same sentiment.<\/p>\n I hope you two can schedule some one-on-one time together as your friendship makes yet another important transition. If your respective guys hit it off, all the better.<\/p>\n Dear Amy:<\/strong> You have had a number of letters regarding disclosure of DNA results to relatives, etc.<\/p>\n I am 84, and I have just learned through DNA testing that I am illegitimate.<\/p>\n My biological father and brother are dead, and my biological nephew does not answer my efforts to reach out via the DNA site.<\/p>\n Since there is no way to obtain health information, should my children be told? They loved their \u201cgrandfather” and I\u2019d hate for them to feel \u201cdisinherited.\u201d<\/p>\n — DNA Dud<\/em><\/p>\n Dear DNA:<\/strong> First of all, I think you should reconsider some of the language you are using to describe your situation.<\/p>\n I\u2019d love to retire the word \u201cillegitimate\u201d to describe people born outside of marriage. (If anything, maybe it\u2019s the parents who are \u201cillegitimate.\u201d)<\/p>\n And yes, in my opinion you should disclose this to your children.<\/p>\n They have as much a right to know about their DNA as you have to know about yours.<\/p>\n I hope you will remove all the \u201cquotation marks\u201d from your narrative — and your beliefs \u2014 about your own life.<\/p>\n You are legitimate. The family you know, the people you love — this is your family.<\/p>\n Your children can take the DNA information you\u2019ve gathered so far and make their own choices about how to proceed.<\/p>\n Dear Amy:<\/strong> \u201cLonely and Angry\u201d reported that her husband had relocated from their home and hometown, and moved in with his mother, many hours away.<\/p>\n Given that this has gone on for a year, I wish you had given her the bad news: He\u2019s left, and he ain\u2019t coming back.<\/p>\n — Been There<\/em><\/p>\n Dear Been There:<\/strong> I appreciate your blunt assessment.<\/p>\n (You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)<\/em><\/p>\n Subscribe to our weekly newsletter, In The Know, to get entertainment news sent straight to your inbox.<\/em><\/p>\n